"It's being reported that the Hooters restaurant chain may open up a restaurant in the Muslim city of Dubai. Apparently during happy hour, they take the waitress outside and stone her to death."
"Archaeologists in Hungary say they have discovered a forest of trees that's 8 million years old. The archeologists say that they haven't seen wood that old since the last time Larry King watched porn."
"The Hooters restaurant chain has announced that they may open up a Hooters in the Muslim city of Dubai. Apparently, the Hooters will open up right next to the Dubai 'Thank God it's Fatwah.'"
"Last night, Barry Bonds hit his 756th home run and broke Hank Aaron's record. After the game, Bonds celebrated by injecting his ass with champagne."
"Last night President Bush did not call Barry Bonds after he broke Hank Aaron's record, but today Bush decided to make the call. Bush said 'I realized I had a rare opportunity to talk to the only guy in the country who's less popular than I am.'"
"The Food and Drug Administration says the new fat-blocking drug Alli can cause gas and loose stools. As a result the FDA has insisted that all bottles of Alli have labels that read: 'This drug is safe and hilarious.'"
"In a recent interview, President Bush's father said he gets upset when people tell him that his son is doing a bad job. Bush's Dad went on to say, 'You'd think after 60years I'd be used to it.'"
"Residents of a small town in Mississippi have been calling authorities to report a kangaroo that's on the loose. Mississippi residents describe the kangaroo as 'a squirrel so big you'd have to eat it in 2 sittings.'"
"It's been reported that Kevin Federline is going to request primary custody of his two children with Britney Spears. Britney says she'd be happy to give the kids to Federline but she can't remember where she left them."
"Last night, during a debate sponsored by a gay group, Senator Hillary Clinton was criticized because of her husband's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. In response, Hillary said, 'Sorry, but our entire marriage is based on me not asking and him not telling.'"