Monday, October 15, 2007

Saturday Night Live "Weekend Update" jokes

From NBC:
"Yesterday, Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work with the environment. Then, in a stunning reversal, the Supreme Court awarded it to George Bush."
POEHLER -- "Communist Cuba paid tribute on Monday to Ernesto 'Che' Guevara, the populist revolutionary and guerrilla fighter. And not, as most college students believe, the founder of Urban Outfitters."
MEYERS -- "New York City this week was honored as one of the nation's most bike-friendly cities, along with San Francisco which was noted for being both bike-friendly and bike-curious."
MEYERS -- "Blind people are saying that gas-electric hybrid cars pose a serious threat to them because they are hard to hear, making it dangerous for them to cross the street. Also making it dangerous for blind people to cross the street: everything else."
POEHLER -- "The Benjamin, a New York City hotel, has employed a sleep concierge to help its guests sleep better. Though the concierge says he prefers his original title, bartender."
POEHLER -- "Dr. Peggy Whitson, a 47 year-old astronaut, has become the first woman to command the International Space Station. As a result, ships are not allowed to dock without a few minutes of foreplay."

MEYERS -- "A naked man talking on a cell phone in Times Square was arrested Thursday after walking into a Tad's Steaks. The polie said they knew something was wrong with the man when he walked into a Tad's Steaks."
POEHLER -- "The top prize at this year's Rubik's Cube world championship went to a 16-year-old, who solved the puzzle five times in an average of 12.5 seconds. The teen said afterward that he would need a lot more time to solve the puzzle that is woman."
POEHLER -- "A 3 year-old boy who was lost in the Amazon rain forest for 11 days has been found alive. Reportedly, the boy survived by hanging out in a nearby Starbucks."
MEYERS -- "Many Blackberry users are now reporting feeling vibrations when they are not holding their devices. In an effort to combat these phantom sensations, makers of the Blackberry suggest you stop doing cocaine."
MEYERS -- "A transplant specialist is developing a new technique in which a scalp from a cadaver can be transplanted to a balding person. The only side effect so far: vultures."
POEHLER -- "Researchers in Tokyo are developing a robot that would be able to give therapeutic facial massages. So please, just relax as I put this experimental robot on your face."

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