Monday, July 23, 2007

Conan O'Brien's recent jokes

From NBC:
The National Hockey League announced it's going to kick-off next season with a game in London. It'll be the first time in league history that the people in the stands have worse teeth than the guys on the ice."
"In a recent speech, Fidel Castro said that the United States cannot successfully compete with Cuba. In fact, Castro's speech is now available on 8-track tape."
"This weekend a British explorer has endured sub-zero temperatures to become the first person to swim at the North Pole. Before going to the North Pole, the explorer said good-bye to his wife, children and testicles!"
"It was reported today that Paris Hilton's new boyfriend is a tee-shirt designer. In fact, he's the guy who designed the tee-shirt, 'I'm with Skanky'."
"In New York, a new bottled water called 'Bling' is being sold for $55 a bottle. The makers of "Bling" say they're hoping to reach the untapped 'thirsty A-hole" market.'"
"This week, President Bush announced that he's launching a new campaign to solve the conflict between Israelis and Palestinians. When asked why, Bush said: 'It's fun to finally be working on a problem that I didn't cause.'"
"Nelson Mandela announced that he is starting a group called 'The Elders' that will be made up of retired global leaders who will tackle world problems. Mandela says The Elders will be like the Fantastic Four, but with bladder problems."
"Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick has been indicted for reportedly holding dog fights on his property. After hearing about it, the commissioner of the NFL was furious and said, 'Why can't he just shoot up a strip club like everyone else?'"
"A couple who's scheduled to get married Friday night said they're going to leave their wedding reception early so they can be among the first people to buy the final 'Harry Potter' book. As a result, the back of the newlyweds' car will be decorated with a sign that says 'Just Losers.'"
"MTV has just announced that they are creating a cartoon series starring Paris Hilton. Not surprisingly, in the cartoon, Paris uses SpongeBob as a contraceptive."

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